（不）美麗的失敗者

總有些時候想說話而不想說開場白。當然，當連要說的是甚麼都未清楚，胡說一點開場白有助避開視線避開別人一眼望穿內裡甚麼都沒有的尷尬情況。這也說明了我認同修辭本身就是內容，姿態本身便具意義。問題只發生於當有非同小可的內容時，又貪心有一個蕩氣迴腸的開場白時，兩者是然否就一加一等如三。又或者當腦中有的只是勉強慘勝的內容時，又是否能夠不被誤導的開場白徹底刻寫。據說作品是意念的墳墓，是否就可作如是解。

是否連自己也逃避不了某種淺薄的挫敗感的咀咒？當坐巴士時，上層只有那潦潦的三數對乘客，你都會疑著他們雖然絕非在向你喊話，但聲浪卻是毫無分寸地逼迫著你，要你在無意義的噪音中面對自己——或發現自己的意識就是由無意義的噪意編織出的薄薄一層。然後你便開始隨著自己意識的landscape漫遊，換言之即是順著廢話走：賭馬同賭波唔同，因為唔知邊種有太多變數，而另一種就賭到人褲都穿，你好衰架無端端摷人，嘻嘻哈哈，你咁多事做咩，而家你同人好friend嗎，人地做咩關你咩事，我賭外圍的，乜乜柒柒你聽過未吖，我開始賭馬時你都唔知係邊，坐呢道啦一陣就落車啦，咁我衰咩啫，鐘意人又怕人講是非，你咪再摷啦。不煩嗎？只是又沒有substantial的東西可以呆在看來被廢話佔據的地方。

這叫做苦悶吧。明明是大路之王在廿幾米闊的大路上穿梭但偏偏就是被毫無趣味的廢話囚禁。明白人家無意這樣對待你，而人家也不認為對話無趣——情況難道便會圓滿一點。但沒有廢話沒有監禁沒有廢話的監禁又會海闊天空嗎？還是只是在逃避囚牢不存在時自己也只是man in chain，逃避囚著的人除了是一個失敗者一副空殼外甚麼都沒有這個寒風刺骨的事實？所謂內心和外在世界的對立的悖論，除了是內心會投射出你以為看得見的事物、外在世界構成了內心處理的元料、說不定兩者其實都在儲心積累合力營造出人總有點甚麼的錯覺，順手便將之粉碎，連錯覺都不允許。

complex當然不只此一個，但都先按下不表。此情此景，只有兩首歌可選：

Blowin' in the wind

How many roads must a man walk down
Before you call him a man?
Yes, 'n' how many seas must a white dove sail
Before she sleeps in the sand?
Yes, 'n' how many times must the cannon balls fly
Before they're forever banned?
The answer, my friend, is blowin' in the wind,
The answer is blowin' in the wind.

How many times must a man look up
Before he can see the sky?
Yes, 'n' how many ears must one man have
Before he can hear people cry?
Yes, 'n' how many deaths will it take till he knows
That too many people have died?
The answer, my friend, is blowin' in the wind,
The answer is blowin' in the wind.

How many years can a mountain exist
Before it's washed to the sea?
Yes, 'n' how many years can some people exist
Before they're allowed to be free?
Yes, 'n' how many times can a man turn his head,
Pretending he just doesn't see?
The answer, my friend, is blowin' in the wind,
The answer is blowin' in the wind.


另一首，不是這首是甚麼？

Sunday bloody sunday

I cant believe the news today
Oh, I cant close my eyes and make it go away
How long...
How long must we sing this song?
How long? how long...

cause tonight...we can be as one
Tonight...

Broken bottles under childrens feet
Bodies strewn across the dead end street
But I wont heed the battle call
It puts my back up
Puts my back up against the wall

Sunday, bloody sunday
Sunday, bloody sunday
Sunday, bloody sunday (sunday bloody sunday...)
(allright lets go!)

And the battles just begun
Theres many lost, but tell me who has won
The trench is dug within our hearts
And mothers, children, brothers, sisters torn apart

Sunday, bloody sunday
Sunday, bloody sunday

How long...
How long must we sing this song?
How long? how long...

cause tonight...we can be as one
Tonight...
Tonight...

Sunday, bloody sunday (tonight)
Tonight
Sunday, bloody sunday (tonight)
(come get some!)

Wipe the tears from your eyes
Wipe your tears away
Wipe your tears away
I wipe your tears away
(sunday, bloody sunday)
I wipe your blood shot eyes
(sunday, bloody sunday)

Sunday, bloody sunday (sunday, bloody sunday)
Sunday, bloody sunday (sunday, bloody sunday)
(here I come!)

And its true we are immune
When fact is fiction and tv reality
And today the millions cry
We eat and drink while tomorrow they die

The real battle yet begun (sunday, bloody sunday)
To claim the victory jesus won (sunday, bloody sunday)
On...

Sunday bloody sunday
Sunday bloody sunday...